The Flip Side

Dear friends it is so good seeing you again.  Even though I am probably talking to myself, it all good.  I am not doing this blog for anyone but me.  Getting my thoughts and feelings out there.

So Dearies where did we leave off.  I think I was just about to go to the hospital..

11th July 2017 Mum and I travelled to Solihull.  It is quite a nice place there.  Our Driver Pete got us to Spire Parkways in perfect time for my pre op assessment.  I was nervous but yet happy.  I had my support group there on whatsapp and also my mum with me.  I don't think I could have got through it without her and them.  They were the ones who have been rallying round, making me laugh when things were getting tricky..

At the pre op the nurse checked, my heart, blood, weight, blood pressure and oxygen levels.  She was quite amazed how healthy I am.  I was really proud.  So my final pre of weigh in was 23lbs..  Yeah almost 2 stone.  I never thought I would even get to that much.

They were so nice.  Everyone was so welcoming and comforting.  I never felt rushed at all, no wonder I was so calm.

Mum and I went off to our hotel who again were very welcoming friendly and kind.  We were starving by this point.  I was feeling a little queasy all day, pre - op nerves.  So I really wanted a burger but I was clever, I had steak which was protein, mushrooms and tomato for my veg and carbs I had a few chips.  I never ate any desert which was a miracle..  I was really pleased with myself that I never had a blow out.

Anyway I was told that my operation was put back to around 4pm EEEEEKKKKKK!!! and to be in for 3pm.  I could have breakfast around 8 - 9am but nothing after 12.   As you can imagine the day of my surgery I was not good, my tummy was playing the fandango...  Mum and I decided to go and get some breakfast and then go for a walk.  That wasn't to happen.  The Hospital called and wanted me in straight away.  I went in to panic mode.  Lucky I didn't actually eat breakfast cos my nerves would not allow it.

So I get to the hospital when Mr Vijaar came and saw me.  He explained that Mr Richardson was running late and if I wanted he would do my surgery.  There I go another panic mode.  I thought on the spot and agreed.  We went through all the paperwork and low and behold my Angel Dr Richardson came swooping in like superman without the cape.  Before I knew it I was prepared for surgery ..........

Friends do forgive me if I am taking my time to catch you up.  I am all thinger and fumbs and the moment..

8 Days to go

OH friends!! What have I done????

I had some chocolate buttons.  I couldn't help it!!  They were bugging and bugging and I stuck my greedy hand in the packet and ate them.  You know what, I never even enjoyed it.  Karma is a bitch!! I really wanted to savour, but because I was being sneaky about it, I never enjoyed them at all.  So I am human.  This is exactly why I am on my journey to stop this consistent cycle of lose, eat, gain, repeat.

Oh well so yeah, that's where I am at at the moment.  The bunny food is doing it for me, however I discovered I really don't like the florette mixed salad bag and much prefer the tesco or Asda one.  I think I will pay a visit to Morrisons when I run out.  I know look at me looking at all the different options of lettuce.  My life is so full of exciting new things hahahahaha!!!

Other than my insane guilt, which will pass. I have been feeling ok.  I have been keeping myself busy, yes with the jigsaw puzzle, another exciting part of my life.  I feel much better, I noticed today when I finished work that I wasn't rocking side to side as I walked and was walking quite normally.  Well normally for me.  I have also noticed that my boobers are fitting nicely into my bra and I am not fighting to get them in.

I just have to keep positive.  I have done well. This is me being human.  I am allowed to make mistakes.  I can get back on track.  Tomorrow is another day.

Have a great week friends xx

Day I've Lost count..

Good Morning Friends - I hope you are well?  I am extremely well.

Week 3 was a total melt down of emotion for me and I did battle though it.  I did!!  Yes it was hard and yes I was at my end but I battled on.  How I did it was all in the mindset.  I know that if I don't lose the weight there is a higher chance of me not being the best I can be.  How is this different from your average diet?  For me I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Usually around the time in my average diet I would start to fail.  I would start nibbling bits and bobs, picking at this and that, eating and thinking oh that wont hurt, and basically sabotaging myself.  With the amount of weight I have to lose ( around 12 stone) it feels as there is no end to your journey.  Motivational meetings are designed for the moment.  When you are alone with yourself the demons start talking.  This time round there is a purpose.  Do I get a little angsty about why I couldn't do this before?  I'm questioning all the time.  I know in my heart that I can't do this long term.  I would fail, at any event, celebration or even when a fancy takes me over.  I would binge as I always do, I would justify the food I was eating.

I must say this is the biggest challenge I have ever faced.  As my surgery date hurtles faster towards me (10 Days) I am becoming more and more busy.  I have found myself projects that can keep me occupied.  I'm starting a new course on mental health.  I am also sinking my teeth into a larger project to do with the residents in the block I live in.  I'm quite excited for both.  Before and after surgery I will be busy mentally.  I think that's good for me to be occupied.  I have six weeks off work so I can't get bored really lol.

Anyway this week I have lost 6lb bringing me to a grand total of 17lbs.  That's loads.  I am feeling it on my tummy.  Of course no one else notices because I am still wearing figure hiding clothes.  I'm updating facts and figures so check out my chart.

Be well friends xx

LSD Day 15

Hello my friends.  What an amazing two days I have had.  I am not struggling at all and not feeling sick.  YIPEEE!!!  My mouth is so much better - and I dont have that milky feeling.  I am enjoying this so much more than the Milk Diet.  Dont get e rong it actually did me a favour to cleanse my palette.

So what am I eating?  Let me tell you..

Breakfast - A yogurt from my allowance.

Snack - none

Lunch -  100g lettuce - 100g tomato - 2 boiled eggs - 43g pasta - Sugar free jelly

Snack sugar free jelly

Dinner- 56g new potatoes - cabbage & sprouts (yeah it will be windy pops) chicken ( I can't remember the grams

Snack - sugar free jelly with 89g pineapple.

After the Milk Diet, I feel like I am always eating and also I feel myself getting fuller quicker.

I have exactly 14 days today.  The time is flying by.  Tomorrow is 13 days.  I can remember in March trying to find the best consultant for me. And now I am saying oh 13 days to go?.  They are going to go so fast because I am so busy at work.  woooooooo the end of year stuff..

See you on the flip side xxx

.....another 3 lbs

Hello friends, I hope you are all doing really well.  I'm still banging on about my tooth again lack of and it is really getting me down in the dumps.  So let's NOT go over that.  Instead lets do something fun like talk about the journey.

Last week I had a shock jumping on the scales and losing 8 lb wooooo.  This week I jumped on the scales and another 3 lb has gone.  That is 11 lb in all.  That's a massive 3% of my body weight, that is amazing for me.

What have I been doing.  I am still on the Liver Shrinking Diet which I must admit over the last few days I have been struggling.  But I am remembering what my Patient Consultant Rachel told me.  

"This is going to be the most torturous thing you will ever have to do in your life".  

I'm not feeling tortured as of yet but I am not that far away.  I have a little over 2 weeks to go, so in 3 days I will be over the hump, halfway through getting to the light side.

People have asked me how I am feeling, and I can't really give an honest answer because I don't know if it's the tooth extraction or the LSD.  I do know I am losing the weight and I am hoping to have lost at least a stone in the next 2 weeks, which will be another 3 lbs. Although I haven't shed bucket loads I can feel a difference.  My tummy definitely feels a lot tighter.  I have a bit more energy.  I think that is on account of having ZERO sugar.

I've updated my Facts & Figures which is really pleasing to the eye.  I've lost not only 11 lbs but also 3.5 inches.  I know, I know.   This is the stage in a normal diet where I think I am at goal and start eating again.  This time my determination is towering over the need to eat.  Don't get me wrong, it is not easy.  The fam were eating spag bol and I wanted to dive into it and relish in the flavours.  Alas, I had a glass of milk (taken from my 1800 ml allowance) and a sugar free jelly.  I am actually loving the jelly because they are keep my mouth nice, cool and refreshed.  The breath isn't so bad albeit in the morning I could strip paint.  

I've bought a jigsaw puzzle to keep me distracted in the evening and its working so far.  Though again on saying that I really haven't been toooooooooooooo distracted.  It will be nice to eat.  

Enjoy the rest of your weekend xx

The Real Question...

Start Weight: 26st.3lb |166.8kg |368lbs (Approx)

Measurements: Bust - 61in | Waist - 57in | Hips - 64 |
BMI 55

Goodness me!! When you put it like this.  That is a whole lot of me and three other people.  I am not even going to ask how I got here, I know the answer to that.  The real question I need to ask is why did I let myself get here?  What a wake up for me!  Now I could spend hours beating myself up about this.  I must say I am disgusted and embarrassed. I am also going to move on.  I am at a place in my life where I can let go of things that have impacted me over there years and this journey is going to be the best one yet.  But before I go getting all positive, I wanted to share with you guys how ill I look.  My skin is harbouring a dirty yellow colour.  That is not me, I used to glow.  I don't like what I see.

So let us find the positive and look at the happier side of the coin.

 Old me

• Dishonest with my eating habits
• The mirror telling me I am beautiful and look good
• Out of control with my eating habits

Crikey! When I say I am true to myself, what a big fat liar I really am.  I am lying to myself all the time, telling myself 'this wont hurt'  When actually its killing me slowly.

New Me:

• Telling myself the truth and being completely honest
• Not listening to the mirror.  Weight loss will make me feel great.  Even so I need to get to my ideal BMi.
• Controlling my eating

I mean lets face it there is a lot more going on here than I would admit.  I have a seriously negative relationship with food.  I am not seeing it as a fuel, I am seeing it as a treat.  Maybe that was a thing from when I was a kid?  There wasn't a lot of money around and sweets, cakes and chocolates were not on the top of the list.  However,  mum would treat me every now and then.  I would have a 10 pence mix.  In the old days 10p was a huge amount of money.  For 10p I could get:

1. 5p pack of crisps
2. 4 mojo's for a 1p
3. 2 strawberry laces 1p
4. 2 chocolate sticks 1p
5. 4 flying saucers 1p
6. 2 milk bottles 1/2p
7. 2 cola bottles 1/2p

And that would get you a huge bag of sweets and you could swap the crisps for an ice pole in the summer.  I wouldn't make these last though.  I would gobble them all down and not share at all.  Was I greedy? Was I selfish?  I don't know but thinking about it now I think it was because I couldn't save anything for later.

Anyhoo I did develop horrible habits when I was young.  I think it was a control thing.  The point is that I am going to be in control.  I need to be to make this work and I am going to have to learn to control my eating habits, my portion sizes.  This is my second chance.  If I blow it, I am but a fool.

Catch you on the flip side x

This is it

Hello all how are you?   Welcome to my new bloglet.  I hope that through my journey, trials and tribulations you will be able to find some positive inspiration, so you too can go forth and be a happy, healthy, beautiful you.

Do you like my title?  Its a bit tongue in cheek.  You know how it goes, you spend years dieting feeling like what you are eating would barely keep a bird alive and it's no wonder one can't keep it up.  I am that one.

So this blog is totally dedicated to my journey.  I will be travelling back in time and also forward, but mostly the present.  I do hope to get some video diaries in too.

But for now you have to put up with my appalling spelling and grammar.

I decided to document my journey and I call it a journey because I have no idea where I am going, but I know I want to travel forward.  I decided to document my journey because when I researching all my different options for Bariatric Surgery there was hundreds in the US but hardly any in the UK.  So here I am...

In this blog I will not be all flowers and unicorns, there are going to be a few weeds and wart hogs my friends.  This is about ME and MY journey.  There will be all kinds going on..  I'm guessing??

I would love to hear your comments and thoughts but please remember that I am human and I do have feelings, so if you are about to write something ugly then it's probably going to impact somehow on my journey.  Saying that don't dress it all up, all I am asking is that you think about what you are saying and how what you say may have a lasting impact.

Let's do this .......