Wednesday, 31 May 2017

The Real Question...

Start Weight: 26st.3lb |166.8kg |368lbs (Approx)
Measurements: Bust - 61in | Waist - 57in | Hips - 64 |
BMI 55
Goodness me!! When you put it like this.  That is a whole lot of me and three other people.  I am not even going to ask how I got here, I know the answer to that.  The real question I need to ask is why did I let myself get here?  What a wake up for me!  Now I could spend hours beating myself up about this.  I must say I am disgusted and embarrassed. I am also going to move on.  I am at a place in my life where I can let go of things that have impacted me over there years and this journey is going to be the best one yet.  But before I go getting all positive, I wanted to share with you guys how ill I look.  My skin is harbouring a dirty yellow colour.  That is not me, I used to glow.  I don't like what I see.

So let us find the positive and look at the happier side of the coin.

 Old me
  • Dishonest with my eating habits
  • The mirror telling me I am beautiful and look good
  • Out of control with my eating habits
Crikey! When I say I am true to myself, what a big fat liar I really am.  I am lying to myself all the time, telling myself 'this wont hurt'  When actually its killing me slowly.

New Me:
  • Telling myself the truth and being completely honest
  • Not listening to the mirror.  Weight loss will make me feel great.  Even so I need to get to my ideal BMi.
  • Controlling my eating
I mean lets face it there is a lot more going on here than I would admit.  I have a seriously negative relationship with food.  I am not seeing it as a fuel, I am seeing it as a treat.  Maybe that was a thing from when I was a kid?  There wasn't a lot of money around and sweets, cakes and chocolates were not on the top of the list.  However,  mum would treat me every now and then.  I would have a 10 pence mix.  In the old days 10p was a huge amount of money.  For 10p I could get:
  1. 5p pack of crisps
  2. 4 mojo's for a 1p
  3. 2 strawberry laces 1p
  4. 2 chocolate sticks 1p
  5. 4 flying saucers 1p
  6. 2 milk bottles 1/2p
  7. 2 cola bottles 1/2p
And that would get you a huge bag of sweets and you could swap the crisps for an ice pole in the summer.  I wouldn't make these last though.  I would gobble them all down and not share at all.  Was I greedy? Was I selfish?  I don't know but thinking about it now I think it was because I couldn't save anything for later.

Anyhoo I did develop horrible habits when I was young.  I think it was a control thing.  The point is that I am going to be in control.  I need to be to make this work and I am going to have to learn to control my eating habits, my portion sizes.  This is my second chance.  If I blow it, I am but a fool.

Catch you on the flip side x

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